


Cities in Dust

by MythosOfTheUnknwn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bad Ending, Drug Use, Episode: s05e04 The End, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Not Happy, Recreational Drug Use, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-25 04:54:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21750361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MythosOfTheUnknwn/pseuds/MythosOfTheUnknwn
Summary: Dean is dead and Castiel falls apart. It really is the End of the World.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 8





	Cities in Dust

**Author's Note:**

> Ohh boy my dumb ass wrote again. Also the writing gets pretty bad in the last section it's intentional. Title is from "Cities in Dust" by Siouxie and the Banshees, although the Everlove cover might be more fitting for this particular work. [[x](https://youtu.be/EAl5Azlzj1M)]

~~~

 _"Cas? You in here?" Dean rapped twice on the doorframe. His voice was loud in the dead quiet of the room. Why is he asking?_ I'm always there when you call. _Dean knows that why is he asking?_

 _Cas saw Dean silhouetted against the dim light in the doorway. Dean hasn't seem him yet?_ Why can't he see me? _The light was making his head pound._

 _Dean flicked the light switch and he instinctively squeezed his eyes shut. "Damn generator." Oh. The power's out. Someone should fix that. Dean takes a few steps into the darkened room._ I should say something. Why should I say something? Where the fuck am I? 

_"Cas?" Dean looked over at the bed - no more than an old mattress on a broken down frame, really. "What're you doin' man? It's almost sundown and we haven't seen you since yesterday." Cas grinned. Dean was worried about him. That counts for something._

_"I was... busy." He snickered. Even in the dim light he could see Dean's skeptical expression._

_"Busy? What the hell does that mean?" Cas shifted. He didn't want to answer._ Why not? _He went to sit up more and his arm knocked over the bottle of pills on the night stand._

 _Dean snapped his head toward the sound. "What- Are you_ high? _Cas, what's gotten into you lately? I mean I get the whole apocalypse thing, but..." Cas had stopped paying attention a few words in_ god it's hard to focus when he's flying- flying... _but he let Dean finish his rant._

 _He closed his eyes. He didn't want Dean to be mad. It... didn't suit him. Well, no. He liked it when the anger wasn't directed at him. All that unbridled power. He was a flame. His Father should be proud of such a beautiful creation._ Beautiful? _Dean was so beautiful. All green eyes, freckles and fury._

_Dean walked around to the side of the bed. "Cas? Did you hear anything I said?"_

_Cas huffed. "I did not." Dean looked mad._ Don't be mad. _Cas reached up grabbed his arm. Dean started, but he didn't pull away. He let Cas pull him down - somewhat roughly - to sit on the edge of the bed. "Don't be mad." In the back of his mind, a voice told him that he's being clingy. He needs to remember the Personal Space rule._ Shut up. _He told the voice._

_Dean let out a heavy sigh. He's seemed so tired lately. "I'm not mad. I just hate seeing you like this, man."_

_Cas frowned. His head was swimming, but he tried to form a coherent sentence. He said, "I don't know what happened. I guess, I just... Fell."_ For you. Always for you. Everything.

_A dark look passed over Dean's face, but he didn't say anything. Cas realised he was still holding Dean's arm and he let go. His hand hovered for a second, before he gingerly raised it to cup the side of Dean's face._

_He was holding his breath. This was appropriate for the metaphor "on thin ice." Dean didn't move. Cas couldn't place his expression._ Why was I doing this? _Cas cursed his poor impulse control as he leaned forward._

 _He could barely think anymore. He felt above everything that was happening. Like he was watching himself caress his friend's face from a tv screen._ Friend didn't feel like the right word... What was the right word? _He knew he was letting himself go too far, but God he didn't want to stop._

_At this point his nose was almost brushing against Dean's, and neither of them were saying anything. Cas was about to close the distance, about to finally do what he'd thought about more times than he'd ever admit out loud._

_And, it broke. "Cas. I'm sorry, I can't do this." Dean pulled back and gently removed Cas's hand from his cheek. "You're not..." He gestured vaguely, "You're not you."_

_Cas should feel something. He fealt strangely apathetic toward the whole situation. It was strange, just a moment ago, He was so full of feeling he could drown in it, and now there was_ nothing.

 _Dean stood up. "I'm sorry," He repeated. He was walking out. Leaving_ don't leave. _Cas had to get up. Stop him. Do_ something _but he couldn't fucking bring himself to._

_Dean left. And Cas flew._

~~~

Castiel rode back to Chitaqua in a daze. At one point the jeep hit a pothole and someone had to grab his arm and yank him back onto his seat. He barely noticed.

When he finally got back, they left him alone for the most part.

"Cas?" It was Chuck. "What happened? How did it go?" He asked. Then: "Are you okay?" Cas didn't answer. Why would he _ask something like that?_

Cas just walked past him in the direction of his cabin. Chuck had the sense not to follow him. 

~~~

__

_Dean laughed. It was such a rare occurrence these days. He had a pretty laugh. Cas rolled off from on top of him and collapsed at his side. He was laughing too._

_When they had finally calmed down, Dean rolled over to look at him. They locked eyes and Cas remembered what it felt like to be happy._

_Dean had taken his hand, and now was tracing circles on his palm. He was doing that thing. Where he smiled, but he always had one just for Cas. No one saw this side of him. He was their "fearless leader."_

_Dean brought him back from this thoughts. He asked "What're you thinking about?" Cas grinned._

_"You." He said. Dean's eyes were alight._

_"I love you." Cas stared. That was almost too much for his stoned mind to wrap around._

_"Say it again?" He whispered. Dean laughed. He sounded giddy - or nervous. Maybe both?_

_"Castiel, ex-angel of the Lord, I love you."_

_Cas was buzzing. "I love you too, Dean Winchester, righteous man."_ God I love you so fucking much.

 _Castiel and Dean Winchester lay together. And Castiel,_ ex- _angel of the Lord felt more human than he ever had before._

~~~

Castiel was flying again. He had been scared by how much it took to get him high, but now he was blissfully numb. 

He drifted in and out of consciousness for hours. Days? He didn't know. Someone came in to check on him at some point. Risa? She was the one who thought Dean had a "connection" with her. He let out a harsh laugh. 

Dean never had a connection with anyone he slept with in this godforsaken camp. Except...

 _No. Stop. Don't think about him._ But he couldn't stop himself. The image of Dean's lifeless body lying on the dirt was burning into his eyelids. Someone had dragged him away screaming. No, he had walked away himself. Had he even seen Dean? The memories were fleeing from his mind before he could see them properly. 

He wasn't flying anymore. He was falling... falling. He had Fallen before. For Dean, of course. Always for Dean. 

He was wrenched back into sobriety faster than it should happen. His ears were ringing. Why wasn't he on the bed? How long had he been out for?

He felt panic closing in on him. He scrabbled blindly on the floor around himself, but he was met only with cold wood.

 _There's someone in the doorway._ Looking up, he could faintly see someone standing. Dean...

 _God I can't fucking_ focus. _What was I looking for._ There was something important somewhere but he couldn't find-

The person in the doorway was screaming. He looked up to see what was happening but they were gone _god everyone leaves_ the screaming was still happening. castiel was screaming _why?_ he couldn't remember. he stopped someone was calling him _Why?_ whothe fuck is talking _i don't want to go_ it was thegun where the f _uck is t hegun_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, also please point out any typos/other errors (excluding the last section ofc)
> 
> ~ August


End file.
